Archive for ‘Failures’

September 19, 2011

Apple I Hate You

Apple why must you torment me with your incessant updates/upgrades, leaving me to believe that my main problem with your glorious phone would be fixed. Alas, I finish upgrading and there’s nothing but minor changes that I’ll never notice. With the understanding that some bugs and security failures need attending to, I can never comprehend as to why you guys would overlook such a huge flaw in your device. You describe the phone with such grandiosity that it’ll make a blind person buy it.

More after the jump.

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August 30, 2011

Did Lil’ Wayne End The Skinny Jeans Trend?

Was this all it took for people such as myself to realized that skinny jeans should come to an end? After watching the VMAs I was already thinking that this dude lost his mind with those leopard print spray-on tights. Although I’m a purveyor of skinny jeans, sadly I can no longer support this trend. Maybe Weezy’s stylist made a mistake. Maybe they ran out of other jean designs. Whether if any of those things happened the trend must come to an end.

To make matters even worse, they were women’s jeggings! There’s no way I can look at Weezy the same. Hood pass revoked, rockstar card declined, masculinity turned away at the door. It’s bad enough Wayne threw out a corny subliminal diss at Jay-Z on It’s Good, and Beyonce’s pregnancy/belly rub was the highlight of the night. He decides to provide us with shitty performance to end the VMAs and wore those painted-on jeans that were made for the female gender. Why Wayne? Why? The silver lining in all this for Wayne is that his album is projected to sell 700k its first week. But the majority of people will remember his wack jab at Jay and him wearing a tranny’s nut-huggers.

Oh and if you ladies would like a pair of those fabulous jeggings (laughs) they’re made by Tripp NYC. You can buy them here for $44.

Women

August 17, 2011

Video: Fat Guy Sings The HELL Out Of Katy Perry’s “California Girls”


New Jersey why do we continue to embarrass ourselves??? Someone should “tiger uppercut” this dude off the bus, or at least give him a sandwich so he would shut the hell up. But this is funny as all hell though.

Seen: Guyism

July 20, 2011

GQ’s 10 Douchiest Colleges in America

GQ puts together a list of America’s 10 douchiest colleges. I can’t say I agree or disagree, but I will say this list is awesome. If your school happens to be on the list, don’t be upset, just know that people are silently judging you anytime they receive your resume.

Check out the list after the jump.

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July 12, 2011

Scott Rothstein’s Watch Collection Is God-like

If you’re not familiar with Scott Rothstein let’s do some quick backtracking. Ever heard of a Ponzi scheme? Yup. This tool decided to follow in the footsteps of the now infamous Bernie Madoff — he orchestrated a scheme that came out to be a $1.2 billion bill (of course he didn’t tip). Word is that Rothstein was an upstanding South Florida lawyer with friends in big places, like Florida Governor Charlie Crist. It should’ve became clear that wasn’t upstanding but instead a complete douche once he was found flaunting his numerous houses, yachts, cars, and whatever else rich idiots have.

Eventually, Rothstein was figured out by the Feds and is now facing 50 years of butthole-raping time in prison. Hopefully the victims could find some solace in this and also that the Feds will be holding an auction to sell virtually everything he has.

These are the 10 most interesting watches (out of 262) being sold during the auction, which will be held July 13th, 2011.

Most of the watches are worth tens of thousands of dollars apiece. RI-DIC-U-LOUS!

Pics after the jump.

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July 5, 2011

Hollywood’s Reaction To Casey Anthony Verdict

Her reaction after the verdict

All I have to say is that this trial was a fail of EPIC proportions. Why do we have these morons for jurors? No worry I having had to do jury duty. I’m telling you everyone would be guilty if I were on the jury, unless that corpse comes back in angel form and sprinkles fairy/angel dust on me whilst whispering in my ear “This man didn’t murder me and buttfuck my lifeless corpse.” Until that happens, all you fuckers are guilty.

Anyway, here’s what some of the Hollywood personalities had to say on Twitter about this travesty.

More after the jump.

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May 26, 2011

Really Bieber??

I saw this a few days ago and I’m still left with the blank stare.

May 11, 2011

Video: Crazy Man Gets Naked On 6 Train


This dude went OFF!! Dropping N bombs, stripping naked, chasing women, along with fighting and beating up cops. The Bionic Hobo strikes again.

Seen: Bitchie

May 5, 2011

Video: Wow, This Is A Fucking Fail


I would’ve looked at him just like everyone else. He’s like the dude in Not Another Teenage Movie that can’t get the clapping down right.

April 28, 2011

Video: Ex-MTV VJ Susie Castillo’s TSA Rant

http://vimeo.com/22866046
She used to be cute until I saw this. And is she serious? She didn’t want to get radiated on?? Bitch, you worked/lived in New York City, you was getting bukkake’d by radiation daily.

Seen: AOL

April 26, 2011

Video: Marissa Mike Having Fun With The News


This is how not to report the news. At least she got a blooper reel out of it.

April 26, 2011

Tony Allen’s Crazy Haircut

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You haven’t won the series yet homie. And is that glitter??

Spotted: SBN

April 3, 2011

Charlie Sheen | My Violent Torpedo of Truth: Review (YIKES!)

Charlie Sheen definitely didn’t have a “winning” moment. After reading this you’ll be even more convinced that he’s way the fuck off his rocker.

Full review after the jump.

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March 30, 2011

Video: Beagle Tries To Eat A Glass Door


You can thank Kevin Pereira for this hilarity.

March 29, 2011

WTF!? News: Man Glues Tiny Hat To His Head


You can’t even make this shit up. There’s a reason its called super glue, have these guys not seen American Pie 2??

Thanks: HuffPost

March 25, 2011

WTF!? News: Weed-Smoking Bear Feeder Gets Mauled

 

There are certain jobs you can get high in the morning for: barista, cashier, data entry clerk, street promoter, and Snoop Dogg’s assistant. Animal feeder? Especially feeding bears?? Um no. Maybe if we were to feed pigeons or parrots. You would think that if he was high, wouldn’t he want to eat the animals? I mean when the munchies kick in you’re willing to eat anything in sight. Trust me, I had a friend eat out of trash can for some chicken wings (real negro shit).

HuffPost:

KALISPELL, Mont. — The Montana Supreme Court has upheld a Workers’ Compensation Court ruling that about $65,000 in medical bills incurred by a man who was mauled while feeding the bears at a tourist attraction should be covered by workers’ compensation, despite the fact the man had smoked marijuana on the day of the attack.

The court filed its opinion Tuesday, the Daily Inter Lake reported.

Brock Hopkins filed a claim with the Uninsured Employers’ Fund in December 2007, saying he suffered injuries to his legs and buttocks when he was mauled by a bear at Great Bear Adventures near Glacier National Park on Nov. 2, 2007. Hopkins was treated for his injuries at a Kalispell hospital.

The UEF denied Hopkins’ claim because Hopkins had smoked marijuana before entering a bear enclosure. The fund also argued that Hopkins was acting outside the scope of his duties.

Park owner Russell Kilpatrick, who did not have workers’ compensation coverage, argued that Hopkins was a volunteer who Kilpatrick occasionally gave cash to “out of his heart.” Hopkins fed the bears that day after Kilpatrick told him not to because he was tapering their food as they prepared for hibernation, Kilpatrick said.

The Workers’ Compensation Court ruled last June that Hopkins was an employee and noted that while his “use of marijuana to kick off a day of working around grizzly bears was ill-advised to say the least and mind-bogglingly stupid to say the most,” there was no evidence presented regarding Hopkins’ level of impairment.

The WCC found that grizzlies are “equal opportunity maulers” without regard to marijuana consumption.

UEF attorney Joseph Nevin told The Associated Press Thursday that the case is finished and the agency would end up paying an estimated $35,000 in discounted medical bills on behalf of Hopkins. Kilpatrick paid a small penalty for failing to carry workers’ compensation insurance, Nevin said.

A phone listing for Kilpatrick in Coram has been disconnected and there is no phone listing for Great Bear Adventures.

March 22, 2011

Chris Brown’s Douchebaggery Continues On GMA

And you see why I can’t stand this character….

THR:

ABC News is defending Robin Roberts, who upset singer Chris Brown by asking him about his 2009 assault on then-girlfriend Rihanna on Good Morning America Tuesday.
Following the interview, as THR previously reported, Brown trashed his dressing room and broke a window.

“As always, we ask questions that are relevant and newsworthy, and that’s what we did in this interview with Mr. Brown,” an ABC News spokesperson said in a statement.

Brown — who is serving five years of probation since being convicted of felony assault against the singer — got miffed when Roberts first asked him about the incident, telling her, “I think I’m past that in my life. Today’s the album day, so that’s what I’m focused on.”

When she later asked about Rihanna two more times, he snapped, “I think today’s the ALBUM day so that’s what I’m focused on.”

After the interview, he performed “Yeah 3x,” the new single off his new album, F.A.M.E.

The moment the song ended, he stormed off stage and went back to his dressing room, ABC has confirmed.

Then, according to ABC, he came back down the hall, still backstage, and stopped upon seeing the person who produced the segment.

He didn’t have his shirt on.

The show’s hair and makeup staff said they had called security because they heard loud noises coming from the singer’s dressing room.

It was then discovered that a window had been smashed in Brown’s dressing room. The thick glass was destroyed.

By the time the smashed window was discovered, Brown and his team had left the building.

After the show, Roberts Tweeted: “Sure has been an interesting AM @GMA. Still sorting thru everything myself. Just my 2nd day on twitter, wonder what tomorrow will bring?”

According to TMZ, Brown Tweeted, “I’m so over people bringing this past s**t up!!! Yet we praise Charlie sheen and other celebs for there bulls**t.”

He removed the message and posted two more, notes People.com: “Thank you to everyone who supports my music!!! Key Word (music) !!! Love y’all,” and “All my fans!!! This album is for you and only you!!! I’m so tired of everyone else!! Honestly!! I love team breezy!!”

March 15, 2011

Video: Snake Dies From Biting Breast Implant


Who knew fake breasts were deadly? Au naturel my ladies.

She let out a high-pitched scream, as did a voice off camera who appeared to be directing the shoot.
An assistant rushed in to help her pull the snake off and after a few seconds of struggle the creature released its grip.
The peroxide-blonde model was rushed to a nearby hospital and given a tetanus shot.
However, the snake wasn’t so lucky and died from silicone poisoning.

Seen: SRose

March 11, 2011

You Nut Grabbing S.O.B.!


During a soccer match between Quito and Penarol, Dario Rodriguez of Penarol makes an attempt at playing pocket pool with Quito striker Hernan Barcos. This act may have been fine if the dude grabbing the testes would’ve been a female. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case and it’s an extremely dirty play on all levels. What you do in the privacy of your home is cool, just don’t bring that shit to the field.

Seen: Deadspin

March 10, 2011

The Situation Booed!

Who thought Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino was funny in the first place? The only funny thing about him is that he’ll soon fade into obscurity.

THR:

Jersey Shore star Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino was nearly booed off stage at Comedy Central’s Roast of Donald Trump on Wednesday night.

He failed to draw laughs when he referred to Trump as “Donald Chump.” UsMagazine.com also reports he insulted the other presenters, calling Marlee Matlin “ugly,” Larry King “old” and Lisa Lampanelli “fat.”

He also told fellow roaster Snoop Dogg that he and the Trump had a lot in common because the millionaire developer owned a lot of property and Snoop’s ancestors had once been property.

Snoop shot back by pretending to mistake the Situation for Snooki. “I’m sorry,” he cracked, “all white people who act black look the same to me.”

At one point, the audience began to boo so loudly that comedian Jeffrey Ross had to interject into the act to try to save The Situation, who admitted: “This is my first night doing comedy.”

Sniped Ross, “It’s also your last,” as the audience applauded, reports Los Angeles Times.

Lampanelli told TMZ that The Situation “tanked really bad.”

A Comedy Central exec even suggested to the Times that most of his act might be cut from the final broadcast of the roast, notes USA Today.

Still, The Situation didn’t seem too bent out of shape over his roast blunders.

He called the jokes “a collaboration between me and the writers” and didn’t think the crowd was too hard on him. “No, not at all,” he told the Times. “My whole career people have been hard on me, so, y’know. I stood in the pocket where a lot of people would crumble, a lot of people would walk off stage, but I stood in there. I delivered.

“Maybe if I hadn’t gone on with the sunglasses, there wouldn’t have been such a negative [vibe],” he mused, adding that Snoop advised him to wear the Aviators so that no one could tell he was looking at the teleprompter. “Maybe they thought I was too cool, but that wasn’t the case. I was just wearin’ them ’cause Snoop said to wear ’em.”

The roast airs Tuesday on Comedy Central at 10:30 p.m.